Though the lockdown has been lifted, life after pandemic seems to be different as peoples’ mindset have been changed thus birthing these new stereotypes.
And while you can’t wait for the stores and the parties to open, it’s the renewed reality that you still won’t be staying safe when you board the public transport to your location that hits you.
So you come fully armed, with all of COVID’s precautions because ain’t nothing wrong with being safe. So you enter the bus and are hit with the kinds of people you have just seen.
The I- Couldn’t-Be-Bothered
He swears that since blaming it on other members of the animal kingdom is not working any more, the pandemic is retribution for only the politicians who have been stealing Nigeria’s money or its another ploy by the government to syphon funds. You can never miss him. The way he loudly mocks Mrs Extra for her oversabi interrogative questions and disturbs the bus with his conspiracy theories unsuitable even for a child in Kindergarten. His proof? The Whatsapp Broadcasts (BC) his aunts and uncles sent him plus the one his wife just sent. When the conductor asks if he has his face mask, he replies, “yes”, dips his hand into the pocket to reveal the soiled handkerchief crumpled up in his pocket. This man should be arrested for breaking so many rules; for talking into your face so close that his saliva touches your perfect makeup and refusing any form of social distancing.
The Hypocrite
Right after complaining that his seat neighbour should maintain the distance and wear a mask, he removes his mask and sneezes loudly so that the turbulent wind races back to where it came from. “What is that face? Is he really looking around expecting a Bless You?” He sinks into his seat because his newly righteous seat neighbour shows enraged enthusiasm to educate him on why sneezing into his arm is the recommended procedure, teacher.
The Extra
We get it, Corona is real and you must enter the bus untouched. If given the chance, these people will enter with your full-body pandemic amour starter pack; full-face visor, face-mask, hand sanitizer, sanitizer spray and any other invention that would enable more than the recommended 5m distance.
The Chronic Muncher
It must be a great day in heaven for the woman sitting two persons away from your row. Your journey would have been a bit bearable if not for the constant nudges from her to pass gala, banana or whatever snack that catches her eye. Staying beside the window was your favourite thing until now. Just as you are about to put the earpiece back on, a gentle tap and a “please sister, abeg,” with a crumpled N200 note is right in front of your face. You are caught in between playing deaf or just remind her that she didn’t use her sanitizer when she collected her last change. So you settle for calling the seller. Bros, abeg bring one…
The Fresh Out Of Water
It is obvious with the way he grins from side to side, that he missed going outside. You are amused because he is acting like he is seeing the world for the first time. From profusely greeting everyone in the bus to offering to pay for everyone in his row’s fare, this is either a fresh fish from the abroad or his. Your amusement will soon turn sour because it’s been 3 hours stuck in the traffic and he is still grinning at you and trying to start positive conversations of how the world is a great place. Just when you are about to respond to his “I strongly believe in this country,” his phone rings. You don’t mean to pry but did he just give off the address of the ‘”party” he is attending rather loudly and move to touch me?
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