A wife whose husband spent $29,000 on surgery to become a woman went through eight months of therapy to come to terms with being in a same-sex relationship.
Sarah, 27, is married to Taylor Vanmalsen, 29, an inventory manager from Michigan, who has lived as a male for the most of her life but had secretly wanted to be a female from a young age, Daily Mail reports.
Vanmalsen told Sarah she wanted to live as a woman from the start of their relationship. Sarah then went to a therapist to deal with anxiety before becoming the main ‘driving force’ behind Taylor’s transition in 2018.
Vanmalsen spent her life savings and used her credit card to have surgery to move the eyebrow bone to make it appear more feminine, her Adam’s apple removed, breast augmentation and lip filler, but she says full gender reassignment “isn’t on the agenda yet”.
The couple shares a daughter, Valerie who is now 21 months old. Vanmalsen said that her transition has strengthened the marriage because she is no longer depressed and is able to give her wife her full attention.
She said:
“I want to show other trans people that you can still be happily married. Trans partners may look a little different on the outside, but they are still the same person but happier.
“I am now becoming the real Taylor, I decided to keep my birth name which I hated as a boy. Ironically people used to always say, ‘That sounds like a girl’s name’”.
Vanmalsen said most people are curious about the couple’s sex life. She added: “A lot of people are interested in our sex life and wonder if I have had gender reassignment, but that isn’t on the agenda yet. My main priority was presenting as a female so I can be me.”
She, however, admitted that she is still trying to find her confidence when it comes to shopping and going into public toilets, “I often just hold it because I don’t want to get beat up by men or screamed at by women.”
Vanmalsen was honest with her wife when they started dating, which helped the couple form a strong bond, recalling:
“Sarah was the first person I ever told and she was thankful for my honesty. It was weird at the beginning because she stayed with me even though she knew my secret.
“I feel like I was cheating her out of a spouse before because I was always down and just a shell of myself. But now I am able to be me, and give Sarah all my love and affection.”
Sarah, who is a customer service trainer, went to a therapist for eight months to help her deal with anxiety and come to terms with being in a ‘lesbian’ relationship. She then prompted Taylor to begin transitioning.
Sarah revealed that she didn’t know what “trans” was when Taylor first told her about his wish and all she said was just “OK, thank you for letting me know” and they got on with it.
But Taylor got depressed as the years passed while Sarah began suffering from anxiety because she feared that Taylor may hurt herself one day.
“I knew the only way to put an end to the depression would be a transition, but I wasn’t able to fully come to terms with it overnight. The therapist helped me overcome my anxiety and I also had to work on what it will be like.
“I discovered it wouldn’t matter and all of my “what ifs” were worked on. I thought I would be sad but I couldn’t be happier. It is refreshing to see Taylor truly feel happy and slowly but surely gain some confidence in who she really is.”
Taylor admitted she felt nervous about becoming a parent but Valerie has completely changed her perception. She preserved her fertility prior to transitioning so they can expand their family in the future.
Sarah claims she is often praised for staying with Taylor despite a sex change. She said:
“People think I am awesome for staying in the relationship but I didn’t have to say yes to marriage – I knew who Taylor was from the beginning. It would have been a shock if she had told me ten years later!
“I fell in love with Taylor, for Taylor and it is amazing to see how much happier she is. We will be open and honest with Valerie reading kid-friendly books but to us, it doesn’t matter as she has two parents who love her – no matter what.”
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